What's with Andy?
I'm the master trickster.
The master trickster.
What's with Andy?
I'm the prince of pranks.
The prince of pranks.
Well, everyone in town, from my folks to my buddies,
know of my unquenchable thirst for pranks.
Besides Charminory, I've got one dream of glory
to get listed in the record books.
What's with Andy?
I'm the master trickster.
The master trickster.
What's with, what's with, what's with, what's with?
I'm the prince of pranks.
One thing I've learned over the past few days...
He went that-a-way!
I think I see him!
Don't let him get away!
...is that beauty is definitely in the eye of the beholder.
Fantastic.
Out-pranked.
By a pig.
A bomb in the bath.
I know Jen ticks you off sometimes, but...
No, no, no.
A bath bomb.
Huh.
You say potato.
I say potatato.
It's one of those smelly, bubbly things that girls like.
But this one has been, well, modified.
In five, four, three, two...
Wait for it...
I call it Andy Larkin's bath bomb surprise.
Surprise indeed.
Whoa.
So these bath bombs are legal?
Is there no place in the house that is safe
from Andy's insanely moronic pranks?
Yes, and really quite harmless.
But when you add a bubble enhancer...
Oh, man.
What's that smell?
Oh, duet puppy.
Awesome, eh?
Gotta love Vito's virtual joke shop.
Just when you think this prank is over, bam!
It hits you again.
My upholstery.
My broad loom.
My spread the love community service award.
Now, Freda, just relax.
I'm sure everything can be cleaned.
Andy!
You.
Kitchen.
Been, uh, nice knowing ya.
Come on, Mom.
Bubbles never hurt anyone.
They make you clean.
What about the smell?
Okay, I'll admit there's a slight odor.
But nothing that won't wear off.
Eventually.
It's time.
No, wait.
Mom, please.
Can't we talk this out?
Your mother's right, son.
This time you've gone too far.
You think that was too far?
Wait till...
Well, Cousin Elwood.
Don't send me to the farm.
Ah.
You're going to farming hell.
Hi-ho, the Mario.
You're going to farming hell.
Dad, isn't it punishment enough that I'm going to the farm?
You had to send Jen to torture me with her warbling?
This opportunity on the farm is to allow you to reflect on what you've done and to mend your ways.
What's this?
A 50-foot industrial-strength elastic band, itching powder, super glue, X-ray goggles, and Pranking Is My Life by Andy Larkin?
I don't think so.
Clothes only.
Hmm.
Poor Andy-Wandy won't have his Toysie-Woisies at Loser Farm.
Jen, I just got your final report card in the mail.
Your algebra and physics grades really went down.
How did I do?
Well, Andy, they're still willing to let you attend next year despite your pranking, and that's all we can ask.
But you, young lady, this is unacceptable.
Come on, Mom.
I had a lot of extracurricular activities this year.
It won't affect my chances of getting into cheerleader camp.
If you didn't spend so much time with your friends, this wouldn't have happened.
You're going to Cousin Elwood's with your brother.
What?
And this little piggy went wee-wee-wee all the way to Loser Farm.
Sorry, Jen, but you still smell like that awful bath bomb.
Oh, there's nothing like a drive in the country to remind you what's good about life.
Ah, fresh air.
Ew! What is that stench?
You finally caught a whiff of yourself?
If I'm not mistaken, Andy, that would be a fine new crop of meadow muffins.
Which is the secret ingredient in her scent, Jen Number Five.
Would you just get lost?
Welcome to Nowheresville. Population? Whatever. And a whole lot of stink.
Elwood, glad to see you.
Al, how's it going, eh?
And Frida, you look as pretty as a newborn heifer.
Andrew and Jennifer, look at yous both, tall as corn stalks, eh?
Ew, what kind of perfume are you city folks wearing nowadays?
Jen Number Five.
We're just tickled to be here, Elwood.
And speaking of smelling...
Holstein, 2009.
2005.
As if, eh? Things have changed a little since the last time you Larkins visited.
We don't keep no cows no more.
Phew! So what do you farm now?
Well, let me show you, eh?
Ain't they beautiful?
They're pigs! What did I do to deserve this?
You spent so much time yakking on the phone with Terry and shaking your pom-poms and cheering about nothing that your grades fell and now you're standing here in the middle of Alberta staring at pigs.
I know what I did, moron!
Yep, you can't beat a good pig, eh?
They love to wallow in their own filth and so all you have to do is feed them slop and garbage and they lie around getting fatter and fatter till market time.
Well, I hope the kids will be a help to you.
Help? But I'm supposed to study.
Yous guys don't have to worry about nothing, eh?
Just enjoy your two weeks by your lonesomes.
Oh!
Bye-bye!
Be good!
Shoot, you're kind of small and as pale as cow bellies, eh?
But that ain't no nothing that a few 12-hour days slopping the hogs won't fix.
But I thought you said hog farming was easy?
Easy for the pig. But someone's got to clean up that pigsty, eh?
You mean we have to touch pig muffins?
You'll touch everything that goes in it.
And then comes out of a pig.
And all the other little piggy bits in between.
Well, come on, eh? I gotta get you fitted with some protective gloves and respirators.
Sometimes the ammonia smell will make you pass right out.
Although, maybe it's the pigs ought to wear masks around you two.
Ha-ha!
He-he-he-he-he-he-he!
Huh?
Ah!
What do you know?
I think Buster's taking a shine to you, Jen.
Making a friend on your first day here.
Way to go, Jen!
Oh!
All right, Andy boy, just calm down.
So you have no pranking equipment and no backup.
So what? You've pranked Solo and Naked many times before.
But who'd prank?
Oh, of course, there's always Jen. Good old reliable Jen.
But really, what is a prank without a suitable audience?
Woo-woo-woo-woo!
Aah!
Who-who-whoa!
Come on!
Who-whoa!
Great! I'll be lauded as a genius among pigs.
Well, I guess it's better than nothing.
That Big Pig is driving me crazy!
He's following me wherever I go!
This is gonna be the worst two weeks of my life!
G'day!
We got us a huge list of chores for the day.
Now, before youse get started,
I want you to know we're expecting a special guest today, eh?
So I want them pigsty's to sparkle, eh?
Like spit in sunshine.
Now, Andy.
Huh?
Your folks told me if I don't keep you guys busy,
you might get up to your old tricks, eh?
I promise I won't get up to any old tricks.
Way to be.
But just to be certain,
I want you all to move all the pigs into the barn and hose them down.
Shovel out the pigsty.
Rake down the pigsty.
Put hay in the pigsty.
Put the pigs back in the pigsty.
Slop them pigs in the pigsty.
Then move on to the barn.
I want you to sweep out the barn.
Hose out the barn.
Scrub out the barn.
Disinfect the barn.
Yeah, I think I get it.
And what's Dr. Doolittle here supposed to do?
Ah, Jen.
You're in charge of cooking.
Cooking?
That's it?
You can start by peeling that 100-pound load of potatoes.
You know what that is, eh?
Cousin Elwood, if you remember I'm here to study, study, study.
If I don't, my parents will be really angry with me.
Jeez, you're right, Jen.
Sorry about that, eh?
Knock yourself out, Andy.
This means war.
Do you mind?
I'm trying to study.
Come on, come on.
Find a satellite or something.
I hate pig farms
Thank you, thank you
Break time
Finally
Andy, Jen, I want you to meet someone very, very special
Not just to me, but to the entire Porcine Husbandry world
Ladies and hogs, may I present my friend, Raul Olives
He's a pig farmer from Bolivia, eh?
Did you say he was a pig farmer?
Si, senorita, just like Edwood
Why, I just adore pig farming
Could you tell me every little thing about it?
Muy loco
The pig farm of Canada smell like wet dog
No!
A classic move, my cloven-hoofed friend.
Of course, I can't let myself get out-pranked by a pig.
But what to do? What to do?
So, que el puerco dijo, que yo me parezco al puyo.
Eh? You get it?
Señor Elwood, you are mucho funny.
He sure is.
Uh, what a card.
More mashed potatoes, Raúl?
I peeled them myself.
Hmm.
Jen!
It's for you.
Some little girl named Terry.
Oh, I really need to take this.
I'll be right back, Raúl.
So, Andy, funny story, eh?
I met Raúl on the entry web.
Can you believe it?
In a pig fancier's chat room.
And I invited him to...
Canada to see how things are done up here, eh?
Sí.
And to meet Señor Fantástico.
Oh, that's Raúl's name for Buster.
Jen's pig friend.
Cousin Elwood, I can hear pig noises on the phone.
No.
Señor Fantástico is the pig of Jen?
Well, it thinks it is.
Why, is it special or something?
Oh, Señor Andy, que el puerco.
Mucho strong and mucho grande
and papá of many bebes de puerco.
I would do anything to have a pig
like the big pig of your sister.
Anything?
Let me talk to Jen, Raúl.
I'm sure we can work something out.
It's a love triangle I would have never predicted,
but one that will go down in pig farm history.
I talked to Jen about Señor Fantástico.
Sí, sí. What'd she say?
Well, I told her how much you liked him
and she said she's bored of having a pig.
Huh? Bored of pigs?
Ay, caramba!
I know, but that's what she said.
So she's thinking about giving Buster to you.
But she's not sure.
Por favor, what I do?
Just be really, really nice to her all day.
Let me take care of the rest.
Quiero mi amigo Andy.
I will do how you say.
Ah, the trap is laid.
The carrot is willing.
Now all we need is the rabbit.
So, Rabbit, I mean, Jen, I was just talking to Raúl.
Ah! Raúl!
Relax, he's outside.
Guess what? He said he thinks you're hot.
Me? Hot?
I think he likes you.
I mean, really, really likes you.
Really?
Absolutely.
It was obvious the moment you two met.
Just look at the chemistry between you two.
Very nice.
Oh, you.
Do you like me?
Mmm, potatoes.
Señor Andy, has your sister said something?
I'm very, very nice at her all day.
Yes, she has, Raúl.
Jen said she will happily give you Señor Fantástico.
For a fair price.
Oh, no.
How much she want?
I no have mucho dineros.
Not money.
All she wants is your ring.
This?
This is nothing.
I got from toy machine at airport.
If it's what she wants, give to Jen with my big thank you.
Maybe you better give it to her yourself.
She's up in her room.
Oh, and make sure you're down on one knee when you do it.
New
It's Berlin and you're done.
My pretty.
You gotta end this in one last role.
At least forwhat the new doles.
I'm crying.
Please explain why I'm crying.
prankster the world has ever known.
Well, Andy, I would have to say it was the
fateful summer day when, with only one
pig and a prank, I pulled
out the greatest prank of not just
my life, but my entire family.
Married? Married?
She's too young! She still
has her life in front of her. How could she
throw it all away by doing such a crazy,
silly, stupid thing?
Hey, we're married.
Oh, we are.
Señorita Jane, you have made me the happiest
hombre in the world. When are we make this
official? Well, his spring
is nice. So many flowers.
But then in the fall, you have all the
autumn leaves. Why wait so long?
Hombre knows what he wants. This all
that matters. Let's do it right now.
Oh, that is
so romantic.
Yes, yes, let's do it right now.
But who can perform the
ceremony? Ceremony?
Que ceremony? You know, Jan, I've
heard that in Alberta, a farmer can do
it on his farm, just like a
captain can do it on a boat.
That would be so
perfect! Oh, my.
I'll go find Cousin Elwood.
I can't believe it.
What ceremony is she talking about?
Well, Raul, in Canada, when a pig changes
owners, you go through a formal
pig adoption ceremony.
Madre de puercos.
You Canadians take your pigs mucho
serioso. It must be
a joke. It just doesn't make sense.
Why would she decide to get married
so fast to some guy she just
met?
Maybe she's trying to punish us for sending
her to the farm.
Oh!
Pig!
Married?
Dog of a moose.
Jan, what would your parents say?
It was kind of hard to tell what they were saying.
There was all this loud screeching noise,
so I hung up and called Terry.
But I'm sure they'll be fine with it.
I don't know. Maybe we should...
But I want to get married!
All right, all right.
Thanks. Gotta go.
I can never stand it when a filly cries.
No girl, neither.
We're almost there.
I hope we're not too late.
Frida?
Oh, my baby!
Okay, Cousin Elwood, you stand there.
And, sweetie,
sweetie pie, you stand there.
Sweetie pie?
It's a pig thing, trust me.
Now, flowers, flowers, flowers.
Andy, where are the flowers?
Your guests are eating them.
Huh?
Well, that's just great.
We can't do the ceremony without flowers.
Sure you can.
You're pretty as a flower.
You look prettier than the sunrise pouring in
through my kitchen windows, eh?
Okay.
Do you know here comes the bird?
Uh, no.
How about row, row, row your boat?
Whatever.
Just play while I walk down the aisle.
Gotcha.
Yeah.
Dearly beloved, we...
And I beloved you, too,
this happiest day of my life.
Oh, Rowell.
Huh?
I can't wait to get home with my magnificent new pig.
Huh?
What?
Stop this wedding right now!
Mom?
Gay wedding.
There is no wedding here.
What do you mean, no wedding?
Then what is all of this?
This is a pig adoption ceremony, of course.
A pig adoption ceremony?
Si.
I am to adopt.
Say it again.
I am to adopt.
Say it again.
What?
Si?
Why would Miss Yasminian's wedding be a pig adoption ceremony?
You are going to upset her mother.
Señor Fantástico.
You thought our wedding was a pig adoption ceremony?
You thought you were going to adopt my best pig?
As if.
Mommy.
Baby.
I like you, Rowell.
We are pig brothers, but I can't give you Butser.
He is my best pig.
I knew it.
Even though he will have you as a partner in aлеk
Take it easy, eh?
It's just a pig.
You're right.
Signorita Jane, I am so sorry.
I thought Signor Fantastico was yours
and I gave you ring and trade.
Who gave you such a crazy idea?
You never know who's going to fall in love with you
and who's going to want to fry your bacon.
¶¶