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Okay, Mush is mad at me, but to excel at pranking, I have to gamble now and then, right?
Speaking of gambling, my lottery ticket stunt wasn't exactly a winner.
Last weekend was the 75th anniversary of the founding of East Gackle.
Our very own hockey team, the Cheapskates, were set to play a celebratory game
against the dreaded enemy from our sister town,
the Moose.
The Moose Hoof Stick Handlers.
Well, look who we got here, Leech.
It's Larkin and his little girlfriend.
Look, fellas, we're kind of busy.
Could you wait until school tomorrow to torment us?
There ain't no school tomorrow, Larkin.
It's a public holiday.
Yeah, because of the, you know, 75th anniversary.
I haven't heard anything about a holiday.
Um, me neither.
That's because you're too busy pranking all the time, Larkin.
Yeah, and Dorothy here is too busy, you know, helping you.
Now, get lost!
You're not going to torment us?
No.
You're not going to give us nipple twists?
Uh, no!
Not even a wedgie?
No!
Consider it our 75th anniversary gift from us to you.
Now, take off before we change our minds.
One first needs a mind in order to change it.
Woo-hoo!
Ha-ha-ha-ha!
Look at them, so happy!
They won't be laughing when they get detention for not showing up for school tomorrow.
Yeah, a public holiday!
That was, you know, brilliant, Lick.
And then, after a nice relaxing lunch at Beans and Burger,
I plan to go over to Mrs. Woolmer's house and egg it.
I'll teach her to give me a C-minus in science.
Count me out.
There's a 2 o'clock showing of meatballs at the OnePlex.
Danny?
Yeah?
Danny, Meatballs is stupid, and you've seen it over 50 times.
It happens to be my favorite movie.
Besides, what's so special about egging Woolmer's house?
I happen to have laid my hands on several ostrich eggs.
Ooh, that's interesting.
But what are we going to do in the morning?
I plan to sleep in.
Even on the weekends, Mom and Dad get me up to do stupid chores.
Well, tomorrow morning is finally my day off, so I'm going to sleep in.
Tomorrow morning is finally going to be quiet time for Andy Larkin.
And how, pray tell, are you going to pull that off?
You'll see.
Mwahahahaha!
Oh, knock it off.
I just want to...
Oh.
Ah!
Ooh!
Oh, my goodness!
Get off!
It's 10.30!
What?
It's 10.30, or light for work!
Ahhhhh!
Ah?
Abby!
Jen?
Get off!
It's 10.30!
Ahhhhh!
pursue
Come on,と思って!
So onward, Sir.
I think we should grandfather and we go young...
...to get a job!
Don't get it wrong, Major, we might make it by summer...
You see that, ma'am?
I'm a true жел sting.
Our girls have bigって着 красав its tenders.
You should eat some breakfast, dear
I don't have time for breakfast
Just give me some coffee
It'll be ready in a moment
I don't have a moment
Well, don't just sit there, you moron
Go get him!
Good morning, Mr. Timberley
More like afternoon, Larkin
You're late again
What the devil were you thinking, mister?
You just took a year off Grandma Toomey's life
And she don't have that many left to spare
Are you an idiot, Larkin?
You arrive at work late, pursued by the police
I'm sorry, Mr. Larkin
But I'm gonna have to give you a ticket
For going 50K over the posted limit
And your two buttons off on your jacket
And for the endangerment of human life
And write a month for indecent exposure
Mom, I've got a confession
I altered the clock so we could all have a good lie-in on the holiday
Admit it
You feel refreshed and relaxed now, right?
Two months with no allowance
That's bad enough
But being restricted to my bedroom with no TV for the next four weekends
Is cruel and unusual punishment
This means you're gonna miss the big hockey game tomorrow
Not if I can help it
But first things first
The Beach Bummers is on TV tonight
And I'm not gonna miss that
I love that show
You think meatballs is stupid
But you love the Beach Bummers
Interesting
Everyone's a critic
It's a big show
I'm not gonna miss that
Ooh, I didn't see that coming
The show's crusty old curmudgeon
Being attacked and killed by a pack of rabbit beavers
Ooh, time to get back to my room before dad gets wind
There's tonight's 777 numbers on the ticker
Grab a pen, Frida
Please, tell me you bought a ticket
I always do, dear
It's in the glove compartment in the car
I'll check the numbers in the morning
Wouldn't it be fantastic if we won?
What would you do with all that money?
I'm gonna go get the tickets
Oh, I'll check the tickets
You know what?
I'm gonna go check the tickets
Well, there's a few luxury items I've had my eyes on, but I'd certainly donate some of it to my causes.
You know, save the Armenian aardvark, protect the environment from moose emissions.
I'd buy one of those giant SUVs.
Hey, take a look at Dad.
That's the first time he's smiled since he got home last night.
You know, if he's this happy just dreaming of winning, imagine how happy he would be if he thought he'd actually won.
Happy enough to repeal my punishment, I bet.
Operation Take a Gamble is underway.
Andy, you'll never guess.
Uh, Jen is getting married and leaving home.
I'm so over the moon, even you can't get under my skin today.
We've won the 777, do you believe it?
Yahoo! Yes! We're rich!
Yahoo! Yes! I'm a lord!
Those hours I spent in drama class are finally over.
We can afford anything we want. What do you want, Andy?
Well, money can't buy everything, Dad.
What I really want is to go to the hockey game.
Can I have my punishment lifted?
Consider it done, son. Consider it done.
Jack, please!
Freedom, sweet freedom!
I've never seen a goalie stop a ball.
He was brave, putting his head in the way.
Yeah, it's a real argument for face masks.
Methinks you'll need a face mask when your dad catches up with you.
It was worth it, watching those moose-hoof misfits eat crow.
Besides, I'll always remember the look on Dad's face when he thought he was filthy rich.
You can't buy moments like that.
Well, he certainly won't be able to after he finds out he's a loser.
Well, here goes. Dad probably knows the awful truth by now.
But if he doesn't, I'll have to come clean.
Ha! Take that, hitman from hell!
What's all this stuff?
Well, you don't think you were the only one out there having fun, do you?
We've spent the afternoon doing a little shopping.
A little?
That's like saying Winnipeg winters are a bit on the cool side.
But this is just loose change.
How would you like to take a long ocean cruise?
Sounds great. But Dad would catch up with me eventually.
Well, now we can, as soon as the 50-foot yacht I ordered arrives.
Ow! Wake up!
I'm off to the mall first thing tomorrow morning to pick up that really expensive Chanel black backless little number I've only fantasized about owning.
Ow! Ow! Come on! Wake up!
And I'm paying a visit to Exclusive Electronics.
There's a 60-inch digital TV with surround sound that will look great in my bedroom.
Okay, it's not a nightmare.
Dad hasn't checked to see if the numbers are for real and they're all spending like sailors on leave.
Oh, feel clammy, dizzy, gotta get out of here.
Andy, are you feeling alright?
Uh, I think I ate a rancid hot dog at the game.
Oh, excuse me.
Poor Andy. I hope he's okay.
If not, we'll buy him his own stomach pump.
What am I gonna do? It's gone too far to tell them the truth now.
Relax, Andy. Take big breaths.
I'll just play the waiting game. They have to check out those numbers soon, right?
Right?
Hey, it's really quiet in there.
Yes! They must have checked the numbers.
The jackpot was $1,750,000, so if we keep $1,500,000, we can give my cousin Elwood and Frida's sister Joyce $125,000 each.
Or not.
It is so cool being a millionaire. I won't have any trouble snaring Craig now.
Jen, that's very cynical.
You should find a boy who likes you for who you are, not how much money you have.
You're right.
Well, over the last few hours, I've given a lot of thought as to what I'm going to do.
Scackle has been very good to us, and I think it's about time I gave something back.
I'm going to phone Mayor Rock tomorrow and arrange a noon press conference to announce that I plan to donate $100,000 to the town's beautification and heritage fund.
Things just keep going from bad to worse.
Well, I'm going to do something I've longed to do for years.
Huh?
First thing tomorrow, I'm going to march right into Timberley's office down at the plant and tell him what he can do with his job.
And from worse to hopelessly tragic.
Okay, I'll admit it. My first plan was to barricade the door and never come out of my bedroom.
But then I thought, hey, I'm Andy Larkin, the world's greatest prankster.
I got me into this mess. I can get me out.
Besides, the bathroom is all the way down the hall.
All I have to do is keep Dad away from his boss and keep Mom from making that announcement.
But I'll need Danny and Mush's help to buy me time.
Dad and Mom have to check those numbers soon, right?
Right?
I can't wait to see the look on Mayor Rock's face.
I can't wait to see a look on Craig's rugged features.
I can't wait to see the look on Timberley's ugly kisser.
I can't wait for this date of birth.
I can't wait for this day to be over.
What the...
Supposedly, this is the strongest laxative around.
This will keep everyone home for the day.
Is there nothing you don't have in your junkyard?
Must have just missed it.
Those guys don't fool around.
You know what, dear?
We've had sausages every day for the last ten years.
No offense, but now that we're millionaires, I'm going out for a steak breakfast.
You're right, Dad.
I'll treat Craig to French toast at the Beans and Burger.
He loves that stuff.
Well, if that's the case, I'll phone my friends and buy them breakfast at the women's club.
Knock yourself out, Spank.
After all, you're part of this millionaire family, too.
Indeed.
I'm going to bed.
λλ
Work like a charm, Mush.
Thanks.
Now for Mom.
Is that the mayor's office?
Hello?
What...
Hello?
Huh?
I need to use the phone. It's urgent.
What's wrong with your cell phone?
Uh, the batteries are dead.
Too bad. I'll only be a minute.
Some hooligans have made off with my tires.
I need to call a cab once you've finished.
It's all going horribly wrong, I gotta think.
Oh!
There's something terribly wrong with Spank.
I have to take him to the vet.
Whoa, poor old Spank.
But at least he succeeded in delaying Mom.
I hope he understands he's playing a major role in my survival.
Yes, is this the cab company?
Unfortunately, Dad isn't as maternal over Spank as Mom.
Time to call Mush and Danny again.
No!
Whoa!
Are you okay, Sonny? What happened? Speak to me!
Just take me home.
Oh, Mom will know what to do.
No way. I'm taking you to the hospital.
It might be something serious.
No, no, I'm okay now. Take me home.
I'm feeling much better.
Okay, Mom's at the vet and Dad's about to take the scenic route to the plant.
This cab looks familiar. Have I hired you before?
Now I have to get to Dad's boss and Mayor Roth before they do and try to convince them that Mom and Dad are suffering some sort of illusionary sickness.
If I'm lucky, Mom and Dad will check the numbers before it comes to that.
They have to check them soon, right?
Right?
Hey, I think you're going the wrong way.
Like a Shalomular.
Mular? Isn't that foreign for money?
Oh, good grief. He knows about the lottery. I'm being kidnapped.
Mr. Timberley! I need to see Mr. Timberley!
You've just missed him. He's on his way over to the town hall.
Mayor Roth invited him to a press conference.
Oh, no. Mom must have called from the vet's office.
Ahem.
Mayor, ladies and gentlemen of the press, friends, thank you for coming here on such short notice.
And as most of you know, my husband Al and myself have lived in our beautiful town, East Gackle, for all of our lives.
Morning, Doris. Is Timberley around?
There's something I want to tell him.
He's at the town hall, Mr. Larkin.
Are you all right, Mr. Larkin? You look all... twiggy.
I'm perfectly fine, Doris. Just a bit of trouble with a desperate kidnapper.
Same old, same old.
We were born here, as were our two children, Jen and Andy.
Is Andy that nutty kid who plays pranks?
Uh...
We went to East Gackle slow together, and after a brief period of dating, Al and I were married.
I hope you don't mind me interrupting, Mrs. Larkin, but I have an important meeting.
Yes, yes, Mayor Roth. I'm just about to reach my gist.
Thank heavens for that.
In conclusion, I feel that we, we being our family, have benefited greatly from living here, and I believe it is about time we gave something back to our community.
My life is over.
I don't know who's to share with you all.
Timberley, there's something I want to tell you.
Oh?
I've just checked my ticket! I'm the sole winner of Saturday's 777 draw!
My arthritis!
Yes! A reprieve! At the last moment!
What do you have?
Huh?
I knew they'd check the numbers eventually.
What is your announcement, Mrs. Larkin?
I just wanted everyone to know I was donating $100 to the town's heritage fund.
Gee, that's very generous, Mrs. Larkin.
Oh, Mrs. Toomey! Hey, Mrs. Toomey!
Well, Larkin, what is it?
I was wondering when your wife's birthday is. I thought I might buy her a present.
Nobody likes a suck-up artist, Larkin!
And you are late again for work this morning!
Save up, Larkin!
Andy, what are you doing here?
Uh...
Andy?
Apart from my original punishment being doubled, I got off pretty easy.
I just have to return everything Mom and Dad bought.
Mush has peed because he has to help, and Danny still isn't speaking to me after spending a night in the hospital.
But they'll get over it.
Huh?
Hey, Squirt, how'd you like the cool set of wheels your sister bought me?
Oh, no! I forgot about Jen! She still doesn't know we're not millionaires!
I'll just play the waiting game. She has to check out those numbers soon. Right?
Right?
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