Captioned by Cotter Captioning Services.
Needless to say, I'm not exactly the apple of my family's eye right now.
But let's face it, they can't see the forest for the apple trees.
I'm getting ahead of myself as usual.
Let me explain.
It started a few days ago.
It was one of the hottest days on record.
It's not the heat I hate so much, it's the humidity.
But not...
half as much as I hate the smell of...
wet dog.
I know it's a free trip, but are you sure?
I mean, Andy will be with us.
But I've always wanted to go there.
Maybe we can sneak off on our own.
Sneak off?
Sneak off where?
I won first prize in the raffle at work, a family vacation.
No!
Oh, really?
Relax, Jen.
I'm thinking of giving the tickets to another family.
Hey, not so fast, Al.
What about my opinion?
I'd really like to go.
Mom, do I have to remind you of our last trip?
Now that you mention it, I still have nightmares about Niagara Falls.
Oh, come on.
That was a good one.
Well, that settles it.
We'll let some other lucky family spend a week in the Big Apple.
The Big Apple?
New York, the Big Apple.
It's my kind of town.
When do we leave?
We'll start packing the car, right, sis?
Be careful what you wish for, dear.
You might just get it.
Okay, that's the last of them.
We're ready to go as soon as Danny gets here.
Danny?
You mean Danny's coming with us?
The prize was for a group of five, and he suggested we take Danny along.
No one asked me.
We could have taken Terry.
We're only allowed one animal, and we've already got Spank.
Shut it, moron!
It's a pleasure to see you, too, Jen.
Hold your horses, Andy.
Remember what we discussed last night.
These are the promissory letters you agreed to sign.
Yours states that you will not prank, trick, or pull a stunt on anyone at all during this trip,
and you will not complain about anything until we get back home.
Okay.
All aboard the Larkin Express.
Larkin Express.
Oh, boy.
Does Spank have to sit on my lap for the entire trip?
It's going to be days.
That's the rule of the road.
Sit on the hump, carry the chump.
What did he eat this morning?
A garlic pickle and some prunes.
It ain't going to be pretty.
I won't be able to eat mushroom.
It gets to the point where I've already taken care of my waist like that.
Just tell mesized value.
How about I give you a relationship with a woman I've been in love with?
A woman?
No matter how huge the sum of money.
Hmm...
Sooner or later, she'll give you a heart of steel.
You've always been a little pry.
I thought you'd be a sane egg.
What is the problem with that?
When we are saying that you've been pranked for two英ry hours,
sometimes each time, you've always been like,
owl!
How about I introduce you to another woman,
like それ
Hey! We're here!
Yeah!
Yay!
Huh?
I don't get it.
This isn't New York.
I should have known.
It takes at least two days to make it to New York.
And if you make it there, you'll make it anywhere.
New York?
Who said anything about...
Oh, I get it.
New York is nicknamed the Big Apple.
And you thought...
Funny, Dad.
It's all I hoped it would be.
There's not many people here.
Well, that means we don't have to line up for the attractions.
Come on.
When life gives you apples,
make apple juice.
You don't understand.
I promised I wouldn't prank.
It's going to be torture
spending an entire week here
not pranking.
Well, technically,
when you promised not to prank,
you thought you were going to New York, right?
And this isn't New York.
Let the pranking begin.
Welcome, apple lovers.
My name is Giselle Smith, but you can call me Granny.
Granny Smith, that's a good one.
Isn't that a good one, dear?
Yes, very funny.
Giselle Smith stands next to her popular attraction,
the Big Apple, which is listed in the menace book of words,
which is listed in the menace book of words,
which is listed in the menace book of world records
as the largest apple in existence.
You must be very proud.
Those were the good old days, I'm afraid.
Everybody wanted to get their names in the record book,
and bigger and bigger apples started springing up everywhere.
I'm afraid the shine has gone off mine a little.
Oh, Please excuse me.
I'm needed.
My grandson Johnny will sign you in.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you.
Oh, Johnny!
Sign here, folks.
I promised my friends that I'd bring them
souvenirs from New York.
Now the best I can do is a lame apple hat.
Might I remind you?
Ugh, forget it.
Oh, no.
I'll get them for you.
So, we have a rotten apple in the barrel.
We'll bring it on, Sonny.
Miss, uh, I didn't catch your name.
I didn't throw it.
It's Jen.
Jen.
I'm Johnny.
As in Johnny Applecore?
What a dump.
No wonder it's almost deserted.
Listen up, everyone.
It's time to take a bite out of your day
and take part in the Daily Apple Bobbing Contest.
It starts in one hour on the Big Apple Stage.
Not that a lack of bodies ever slowed Andy Larkin,
the world's greatest prankster, down.
Okay.
When I give you the signal, create the diversion.
Then I'll drop the rubber head into the apple tub.
I can't wait to see the old lady's faces
when I come up with it in my mouth.
Ooh.
You take this one, Sonny.
Look out!
Rapid dog!
That's mine!
The apple is mine!
Ah!
How'd you like them apples, Sonny?
You'd have to wake up pretty early
in the apple orchard to put a prank over on me.
Now, no more funny business,
shenanigans, or tomfoolery.
You understand?
Begin bobbing!
What happened?
Giselle pranked me.
How did she know what I was gonna do?
Ah, it was probably just a fluke.
Miss Jen! Miss Jen!
Come for a spin!
Amazing.
They look like the real McCoy.
That's fine prankster workmanship,
if I do say so myself.
This is gonna be great.
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
Well, it's about time.
Who's ready for a hole-in-one?
As brand-new guests,
this game's on me.
Gee, thanks.
Enjoy your game.
Come on, Andy.
Let's see how hard you can hit it.
Mm-hmm.
Hurry up and shoot, Cider Woods.
Ugh!
Huh?
Wow-wow-wow-wow-wow-wow-wow-wow-wow.
Howdy, folks.
I'm Giselle.
Miss Jen.
Uh, Mom, I've just developed a bad pain in the neck.
I have to go.
No problem.
Once you're feeling better,
you can be my date at tonight's line-dancing spectacle.
I'm the DJ.
Sorry, I don't dance.
What?
Of course you dance.
You're a wonderful dancer.
Isn't she, Dad?
You bet.
Well, I should know.
I paid for all those lessons.
You are not going to believe this, but this ball was one of ours.
I don't know how she's doing it.
But if that's the way she wants it, okay.
This is war.
I wanted to stand in line to dance in the Big Apple,
not line dance in front of a Big Apple.
What was that, dear?
A complaint?
No, Dad.
Just an observation.
We'll see how fast these people can really dance.
Ooh, speed metal from Montreal.
Hardcore.
Get on your dancing shoes, ladies,
because tonight we're going to line dance like it's 1899.
Oh, and Miss Jen, I'll be seeing you under the table later.
Hold on.
Those Montreal metalheads thrash fast and loud.
That doesn't sound like metal.
That's because it isn't.
All right, lonely ladies.
These two young gentlemen have offered to dance with every lady here tonight.
Ooh!
I'm the hero.
Oh.
I don't understand it.
Granny Smith seems to know our every move in advance.
Do you know where Jen is?
Why don't you ask your grandmother?
She seems to know everything that happens around here.
If you tell me where Jen is, I'll tell you how she does that.
She's hiding in the hot air trampoline tent.
Really?
I love it when a girl plays hard to get.
Your turn.
Grandma lives on the second floor
of the Big Apple building.
She watches everything that goes on
through binoculars from her window.
You're kidding!
Now, if you'll excuse me,
there's a hot girl in a trampoline waiting for me.
I thought that whippersnapper
would be a harder apple to bake.
Oh, well, they just don't make them like they used to.
Okay, coast is clear.
If I didn't know better,
I'd swear it was me sitting in the back seat.
Yeah, that 24-hour copy center did a great job.
I photocopied my butt before,
but never my whole body.
So, now what?
I've been thinking.
If old Granny Smith can see everything
that's happening on the ground,
we're going to have to come at her
from a different angle.
From above, my dear Pickett.
From above.
Time for phase one of my cunning prank.
How did your date with my sister go last night?
It didn't.
She wasn't in the tent.
Aww.
Don't give up.
I know Jen likes you.
She told me.
But she's a very shy girl.
You've got to work at it.
Look, I'll tell you a secret.
Jen is a sucker
for a guy who buys her gifts.
Really?
Oh, yeah.
And she's crazy about caramels.
With her, it's caramel this and caramel that.
So, what are you guys saying?
Nice enough fellow,
but about as bright as a two-watt light bulb.
Well, if she's a sucker for gifts
and crazy about caramels...
Hey!
I just had a brilliant idea.
We melt caramels for these apples.
If I give Jen a box,
she'll like me even more than she does now.
Why didn't I think of that?
But I'm not too sure about this one box thing.
If I were you, I'd give her a lot more than that.
Heck, that's no problem.
We've got hundreds in the stock room.
Hundreds?
That should do it.
Oh, and you'd better let us give Jen the caramels.
What with her being shy and all.
It's like taking candy from a baby.
Now, on to phase two.
One hot air fan coming right up.
And finally...
Ah, don't tell me.
Phase three.
Exactly.
You carry the boxes up to the roof
and dump them out.
I'm off to position the fan.
Good luck.
Still there.
I must be getting jumpy in my old age.
One fan going up.
I'll be back in a minute.
That's strange.
Johnny usually melts the caramel for the apples in the afternoon.
Well, slice me up and bake me in a strudel.
I'm not kidding.
If you don't drive me home, I'm hitchhiking.
But we thought you were having fun, Jen.
And what about that nice boy, Johnny?
You mean that psycho who's been stalking me ever since we arrived?
Well, we have done everything there is to do here, dear.
Okay, we'll leave right after breakfast.
I feel like apple muffins.
Let's find Andy and Danny.
I have to admit, Andy has been very well behaved on this trip.
Maybe we should skip the muffins.
Chip, please.
Rats.
Don't you worry, Granny.
They'll pay for this.
I'm the one who should be paying them.
That's brilliant.
Congratulations, Sonny.
Huh?
Why would you congratulate him?
He just caramelled your home.
Yes, he did.
And I bet now it's the biggest caramel apple in the world.
Johnny, get the menace people on the phone.
I think we're about to become a major attraction again.
You got it, Gran.
Now that I'm going to be a celebrity,
how about that spin-a-mart golf cart?
I give up.
Let's go.
It seems I've made the most of a sticky situation.
Now I just need someone to peel me off this building.
Tough crowd.
Don't you close your eyes.
A big surprise is coming and it's up to something.
You can visualise and organise a trick that you could not imagine, yeah.
My name is Andy.
Everybody knows me.
My spirit is faster.
Nobody's better.
My name is Andy.
Everybody knows me.
My spirit is faster.
Nobody's better.
Na, na, na, na, na, na.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Na, na, na, na, na, na.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.